


Harry Potter and the Deathly HALLOS!

by iheartmwpp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Don't Try This At Home, Gen, I Didn't Know What I Was Doing, I Don't Even Know, Please Don't Kill Me, This is terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iheartmwpp/pseuds/iheartmwpp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Harry is struck with a brilliant idea to go freak everyone out by screaming HALLO! in the most annoying of ways. Mup. Warning: This is incredibly random and makes no sense whatsoever. Don't even bother with it, it's that bad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harry Potter and the Deathly HALLOS!

Harry sighed, leaning back against the couch in Grimmauld Place. Ginny curled up next to him.

"Yeah, so I found out the title of the next book where I'm probably going to go through hell again," muttered Harry miserably.

Ginny stared at him.

"Harry, you realize that the title has been known for over a month and you just found out about it NOW?"

"Well no, I've known about it, it's just that the author is a buttface and didn't write anything in like, forever.”

Ginny laughed. "Yeah, it's not like she can write anyways."

Suddenly the skies parted and a hideous creature more hideous than the most hideous of beasts appeared and decided to smote Ginny for dissing her. Ginny barely had time to reach for Harry before she turned into a platypus and growled.

"Mup. Mup," said Ginny in obvious sadness at her new appearance. The author ignored her and the story continued.

Harry didn't seem to notice anything askance and started prattling on as he always did. 

"So what kind of title is me and the Deathly HALLOS anyway?"

"Mup," Ginny answered, which translated to, "Uh, I think you mean Deathly Hallows."

"Yeah, but it's more fun to say HALLO like that. Sounds more deathly."

"Mup," Ginny commented, eyeing him strangely. That basically meant, "Uh…huh."

Suddenly, Harry felt pain explode in the back of his skull.

"Owie! Sheesh, what was that?" Harry wondered aloud, reaching behind his head and rubbing the sore spot. He discovered a rock that had fallen behind the couch and grabbed it. It read: "Hey, here's an idea; go freak people out!"

Harry stood determinedly, "I was just struck with an idea! I should go freak people out! Later!"

And freak people out he did. He caught Ron and Hermione snogging their hearts out in the library. In mid-act, he snuck up behind them and shouted, "HALLO!" in the hoarsest voice he could manage. They both jumped three feet in the air. Hermione landed on a duck, sending feathers everywhere and causing a nearby portrait to sneeze in annoyance. Sniggering to himself, Harry left in search of his next victim.

This happened to be the poor and innocent Molly Weasley, who was cooking in the kitchen. Another "HALLO!" from Harry sent the guacamole flying into the Beluga Whale playing chess with Bill in the corner.

The next few people Harry scarred for life were the twins, who were mischievously trying to discern what Kingsley and Mad-Eye were doing in the drawing room (which is none of your business…nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Harry found the Extendable Ears (which amazingly can extend) extending under the door that actually wasn't cool because it couldn't extend like the Extendable Ears that could extend. He yanked them out and screeched, "HALLO!" before running away laughing maniacally. After that incident, the twins could hear nothing but the crying of RABID baby raccoons which they then got bitten by and died. (It's not like I'm making this morbid or anything. Oh whoops…) All of a sudden, Fred and George came back to life although they glared daggers at the authoress who managed to dodge them and instead they impaled a helpless hobo. The hobo's name was Bob and he had lovely little funeral surrounded by his favorite woodland creatures.

Okay, back to the story with the freaky guy in the glasses and is like…cool and stuff.  
Harry next spotted Lupin and Tonks asleep in Lupin's room, both of them lounging in each other's arms on the bed. This was just too good an opportunity to pass up. He crept up beside them and screamed bloody murder, "HALLO!" The sleeping couple sat bolt upright in alarm and panicked. Tonks jumped out of bed, tripped over a passing emu and fell out of the window. Lupin scrambled to his feet and then calmed to see that it was just Harry. He stared at his best friend's son's cousin's uncle's best friend's son questioningly as Harry guffawed evilly.

"HALLO!" Harry said, and then stopped laughing, puzzled. He had meant to say, "Hi".

Lupin started to chuckle. "Not bad, Harry, though I think you can stop now."

Harry nodded in understanding. He said "Sorry" or rather, tried to, because it came out as another, "HALLO!"

Lupin raised his eyebrow. "Uh, Harry? Don't' you think that you're getting a little carried away with this?"

"HALLO! Yes, but I can't seem to stop! HALLO! NOOOO! HALLO! Hallo, hallo HALLO! HELP ME—HALLO! AHHH! NOOO! HALLO! Want to grab some lunch later? HALLO! I CAN'T STOP WITH THE CAPS. LOCK! SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE ME! HALLO! PLEASE KILL ME!"

Lupin shrugged and then complied by shoving a Japanese sword down Harry's spleen.

Harry smiled. "Goodbye," he whispered before exploding.

Seeing how the general theory went that if Harry died then Voldemort also died, several miles away there was heard a massive BOOM indicating the demise of the notorious Dark Lord. Everyone there at the International House of Pancakes got pissed off, not only because they had to clean up the mess, but also because Voldemort had not yet paid his bill.

Meanwhile, Orlando Bloom crashed through one of the walls in Grimmauld Place. "NO ONE STEALS MY LINE!" Orlando bellowed before going on a rampage and decapitating everyone in the house. The entire Order of the Phoenix retaliated by rising from the dead as Inferi and pelting numerous pies at the stunned ex-Pirate.

After several grueling hours of enduring the throw-the-pie-filled-with-sharp-implements-such-as -a-screwdriver-contest, Orlando Bloom finally succumbed and everyone in the world cried at the loss of such vast sexiness. The tears ended up flooding the entire planet and everyone was doomed…DOOMED. Only the bald cats survived to repopulate and re-civilize the world. The end.


End file.
